Forgiveness

It is easy to forgive someone for stepping on your toe or eating all of the cookies that you made, though the second one is a little more difficult than the first when you come home looking forward to a chocolate chip cookie, but it is only a cookie and you can always make more. It is much harder when the offense is deeper, when the other person has done something that cuts to your very soul. The action, at the time, was not meant to purposefully hurt you. Had they, at the time, been able to see into the future they never would have said or did those things because they would have seen the pain that it would cause themselves and other people. It doesn't make the action less painful that it wasn't intentional.

I have come to realize that without Christ in the center of our lives it is truly impossible to forgive. To forgive means to let go of the past and to never use it against the person. For the past month and a half I had been struggling to forgive someone for some pain that they caused me. It was something that caused the deepest pain that I have ever felt. I told the person that I forgave them and I really meant it but the situation continued haunt me day in and day out. Though I kept up the appearance that I was happy inside it felt like I was dying. There was no joy. I would read my Bible and they were just words on a page. Eventually I didn't even know what I was struggling with; I knew there was separation from God but I didn't know why. It had even begun to affect my health. There was so much stress that I had knots in my sides that were painful even at the lightest touch. I had let bitterness become my friend.

Last week the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart, praise the Lord that He does not give up on His children and that He is always drawing us to Him, and led me to read the chapter in Desire of Ages on Calvary. As I read about Jesus suffering on the cross I felt my own separation from God. My heart longed to know Jesus again and to walk with Him but the separation seemed too great. I read something that made me realize that Jesus died to take that separation away.

The Saviour made no murmur of complaint. His face remained calm and serene, but great drops of sweat stood upon His brow. There was no pitying hand to wipe the death dew from His face, nor words of sympathy and unchanging fidelity to stay His human heart. While the soldiers were doing their fearful work, Jesus prayed for His enemies, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." His mind passed from His own suffering to the sin of His persecutors, and the terrible retribution that would be theirs. No curses were called down upon the soldiers who were handling Him so roughly. No vengeance was invoked upon the priests and rulers, who were gloating over the accomplishment of their purpose. Christ pitied them in their ignorance and guilt. He breathed only a plea for their forgiveness, - "for they know not what they do." - DA 744.2

My heart began to melt. I wanted the forgiveness that Christ was offering me. I wanted to be close to Him and I wanted joy again. A few paragraphs later I read how that forgiveness is for everyone. I committed my heart to God and accepted the sacrifice that Jesus made and surrendered my sins to Him and accepted His forgiveness. These words have changed my life!

That prayer of Christ for His enemies embraced the world. It took in every sinner that had lived or should live, from the beginning of the world to the end of time. Upon all rests the guilt of crucifying the Son of God. To all, forgiveness is freely offered. "Whosoever will" may have peace with God, and inherit eternal life. - DA 745.2

 Later that day I was going for a walk and I began to weep. Thoughts and emotions sprang forth from within bringing up the situation that had caused so much pain in my heart. I wanted it to go away. I didn't want to face those feelings. God worked on my heart during that walk and showed me that I was holding onto that bitterness and pain. He asked me to pray for those involved and at first I didn't want to. I knew that it would hurt even more to pray for them. Finally I knelt down and began praying. As I did I began to weep. I finally gave everything to God, the situation, the pain, and the other person.

I couldn't have done that without God. Without seeing Christ's forgiveness on the cross I would have continued to hold those bitter feelings in my heart.  Now peace and joy fill my heart and I have purposed in my heart to forgive that person and the others involved. Sometimes it is the hardest thing in the world to let go of feelings and pain. We want to hold onto them and to hold something against the other person because they have wronged us, but we have wronged Christ and as we spat in His face and mocked him He forgave us, should we, having experienced that forgiveness, not do the same for others?