Purpose?

Right now I want to be alone. I want to be by myself in a cabin somewhere in the middle of the woods where no one can get to me. I want a spiritual retreat of sorts. Just me and God time. Though the world keeps spinning and there are responsibilities and things to do I just want to take a step back and stop. The world can keep going that is fine. I haven't found anything in it worth keeping up with so pausing sounds like the perfect idea. 

For the past few years I have been drifting from one thing to the next and I haven't really found my purpose. I know that my purpose is  to serve God and share with others who God is, but what direction does God want me to go? What are my goals? Are they God's goals? Where do I go? What is the point of a directionless life. I just need to pick something and do it with all my might trusting that God will stop me if it isn't His will. So here it goes. I'm breaking free and I'm going to stretch myself. I've always done the safe thing but not this time. I'm tired of small potatoes I want to stretch myself for God. I'm not really sure what it is I'm going to do but I'm going to do it. Right now it seems that a job would be a good place to start. I'm not very good at marketing myself but today I need to start. 

I have had a burden on my heart for two things. I have always wanted to be a missionary since I was little. I don't know where but I want to be a missionary. The second thing is a burden for young girls. A few years ago I heard a lady speak about Muslims. When she was a few years younger she asked God to give her a love for people. She found that the people that moved her the most were Muslims and she has been working with them ever since. Most of the time I can hear a sad story and I'm unaffected. I don't mean that I'm callous toward that person but their story does not break my heart. It seems that when I'm with girls who are making wrong choices in life their is nothing that breaks my heart more. Their pain in a sense becomes my pain and I just want to weep for them. I'm tired of people experiencing the bitterness of this world. It would be nice if we all made the right choices to begin with but unfortunately we are in a great controversy and it doesn't work that way. Satan paints life outside of God's will as glamorous and then when we are caught up in it he shows us the bitterness and we feel trapped. I want those girls to know that there is a better way. There is hope. 

I want so much for my life to be a blessing for other's. I want so much to be used by God. Now is the time. I have nothing. It is in the most impossible situations that God works. To me it looks pretty impossible so I'm excited to see the possibilities.